Tap Cat - The Iron Writer Challenge #93

I signed up for a second challenge with The Iron Writer #93. This time, I wasn't going to forget about getting people to vote for me like I did last time. Overall, the elements were not as obnoxious (to me) as challenge 80, though oddly enough, this one included Dr. Pepper as well. Specifically, half a can of flat Dr. Pepper. The other three elements were a steampunk tiger, Soylent Beige (though the link to Wikipedia made no mention of "beige") and tap dance shoes.

To be honest, I was still somewhat soured by my first experience, where I wrote what I thought was a good story that placed highly with the judges, but didn't realize the popular vote aspect counted as much and completely missed when it started and ended. So as a result I wasn't in the mood to put the same kind of effort in on this one as I did on the first. (I nearly forgot to write anything!) When I did finally sit down and put the elements together, and came up with the following story:

Tap Cat

I preferred the dance studio late at night. With only a few lights on and the windows open to let in the cooler air from outside, the sound from my shoes was like sending out pure energy into the night. I was pausing to catch my breath after a run-through of an old Gene Kelly routine, sans sailor suit and cartoon mouse, when I heard an echo of tap shoes filter in through the window.

The alley between the studio and the garage next door was quiet and dark as I leaned out the window for a look. I shrugged and came back inside. Then I heard a thump against the wall at the other window. The next thing I knew there was a miniature tiger perched on the sill!

This was no ordinary tiger, either. It was made up of clockwork and gears and chrome, with a faint steam rising up from somewhere inside it. It hopped down onto the wooden floor, its shiny nails making a metallic click with every step. As it moved, I could hear a whirring of gears. It stopped and looked up at me from a few feet away, its head barely as tall as my knee. While it sat motionless I thought I heard the ticking of a clock. After a moment, I took a couple steps toward it, my shoes clicking on the wood. It looked down at my feet, bobbing its head with my steps.

I tapped out a quick rhythm while it watched. It seemed to understand, and tapped out the same rhythm in return, using all four feet. I tried another rhythm, faster, more complex. It copied me exactly. Before I knew it we were dancing all around the studio together!

At the end of the dance, it looked at me and opened its mouth, sounding like a squeaky hinge. “Are you thirsty?” A quick glance around the studio told me I only had a half can of flat Dr. Pepper sitting neglected in the corner.

I went through the door to the vending machine in the hallway, and the cat followed. I pushed a fiver into the slot. When the machine whirred, the tiger watched, transfixed. I pushed the button for Soylent™ and the machine did its own little dance delivering a can. When I pulled the can from the machine, the tiger leapt up and snatched it out of my hand, biting holes and squirting all over the floor. Then it gulped the can down, ran back into the studio and left through the window again…

“You know what?” she said, narrowing her eyes. “I don’t care how the spill happened as long as you clean it up. But you could at least tell me the truth.”

She turned and left, her high heels clicking on the floor. Through the open window, I heard a rhythmic, tapping response in the alleyway.


The four judges ranked me as #1, #1, #2 and #3, and I got second in the popular vote for 11 points (lower is better). I won! The second place story got first in the popular vote, but slightly lower scores from the judges.

The feedback I got was:

I liked this one a lot. However, I had a little problem with the transition at the end.  I think a mark like a "*  *  *" would have helped to signal a new scene in a perfectly appropriate way. Without it, I was like "huh? Was someone else here the whole time?" and it was distracting and pulled me out of the story.

In my defense, there is an ellipsis before the shift, but I guess it needed a little more. You could interpret it as someone being there the whole time, and the one telling the story is telling it to her. All in all, though, a pretty successful story.

A Sky of Stone - NaNoWriMo 2014

For National Novel Writing Month in 2014, I worked on book three of a story I started in 2010 with "Following the First Star." That led to "A Sky of Stars" and this year I titled it "A Sky of Stone." The name actually came from one of the other books. When I was re-reading it, I found this phrase just sitting there waiting to be used.

I like the way the story came together, even though had to do my usual mid-month rewrite of my outline. At this point I am officially at 52,642 words and have nine more scenes to write, each about 2,000 words. Then comes the work of putting it all together, rewriting, etc. You know, all that stuff I am terrible at? Yeah, that's waiting for me.

On Writing - reading

Finished "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft" by Stephen King. If you are interested in writing, read this. Plain and simple. Even if you don't normally like Stephen King's books, read this. It's short and full of writing advice and interesting stories that will do any writer some good. I'm not going to add my favorite points, because you should read it! (Why are you still here?)

Old Man's War - reading

Finished "Old Man's War" by John Scalzi. It's a hell of a lot better than Redshirts. That's for sure. It felt to me like a novel long in the making, with interesting takes on technology and culture, put together in a nice package that's quick to read. I may consider reading the sequels, though probably not really soon.

A Sky of Stars - reading

Finished "A Sky of Stars" by me. This is the first time I have read this book since I wrote it. The writing is better than in "Following the First Star" but the story isn't quite as complete. As a consequence, starting the third book should be easy, right? RIGHT?

NaNoWriMo 2014 starts in about 2 weeks, and this read-through was part of getting ready for that. Here's to hoping I can pick up where I left off and win once more!

Following the First Star - reading

Finished "Following the First Star" by me. This is yet another re-read as I consider what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo this year (starting in about four weeks). As I went through, I did find the title of book three of the series right there in the text: "A Sky of Stone." That much was encouraging, at least. I'm also half wondering if I should rename this book to "A Sky of " ("fill in the blank") to fit with the naming theme. A Sky of Colors? Something like that.

I did find one connection that isn't explicitly called out in the text. When I get around to a rewrite, I'll have to include that. It's a way that the antagonist shoots himself in the foot, but it's subtle, so I like it a lot.

Armor - reading

Finished "Armor" by John Steakley. This has been on my list of favorite books for years, but it had been a while since I last read it. I brought it along for the plane ride. I'd still recommend it to anyone who likes a sort of military sci-fi story. Once you read it the first time, though, it does lose a little luster upon re-reading.

After finishing this, I picked up Old Man's War, which is still in progress, though that may be interrupted. (See next post.)