There was a quick challenge on The Iron Writer to write a poem about Obama including the words Mars, Insurance, "Grey Matter" and "Chunky Chocolate Chips." Here's my entry, written over lunch:
Going to Mars, yes we can
We have the grey matter
Let us all fund NASA’s plan
Their budget’s been flatter
Never been this far in space
Here we all are rookies
I like chunky chocolate chips
When it comes to cookies
There will be guitars on Mars
You have my assurance
USPS ships them out
Buy the right insurance
Hope you like my new campaign
Taking us to space now
Bade bade deshon mein
You know what I mean. Ciao!
Friday, February 27, 2015
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Budget Cuts - 48HFP Practice
Third time's the charm, right?
Last weekend, we scheduled our 48 Hour Film Project practice session. What we didn't count on was that mother nature also scheduled a blizzard for that weekend! Rather than waste a good practice weekend (we only have a couple left between now and the actual event), we decided to take a different attitude:
At 7:00 Friday we hit my 48HFP Test Script Generator and it gave us the following specifics:
Name: Michel / Marina Donahue
Occupation: Cost Analysis Engineer
Prop: a gate
Line of Dialogue: "The future will be better tomorrow"
Genre: Dark Comedy
Dark Comedy is one of those genres we're not at all confident with. All the more reason to practice with it, right? We noodled with it a bit and came up with a cost analysis engineer making budget cuts that affect veterans.
We got a script written that was right around 8 pages long, which is obviously too long for a 4-7 minute short. We made a copy of it and went through ripping things out left and right, but keeping the story intact as much as possible. Then we decided to keep the shorter script. Here it is:
Modern day Denver
Vicki is just arriving home after getting out of the military.
EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
VICKI steps off the bus wearing fatigues, carrying her duffel bag on her back.
EXT. PEDESTRIAN BRIDGE - DAY
Vicki crosses the bridge.
EXT. APARTMENT GATE - DAY
Vicki passes through the apartment gate. Apartment buildings are seen in the background.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Vicki comes home to an empty apartment. A pile of letters sit on the kitchen counter. She sighs, shrugs out of her duffel bag with some discomfort, and drops her duffel as her phone dings.
Insert: Text Message: Sorry I didn't pick you up. Welcome back! We need to talk. I've fallen for someone else.
VICKI
No need to talk. Go suck a dick.
Insert: Text Message: About that...His name is Clyde.
VICKI
Are you kidding me!?
She throws her phone onto the couch.
VICKI
Asshole. I dodged that bullet.
Vicki flips through the stack of letters. Most of the mail is junk, but a few official letters stand out. She opens one.
Insert: Reference letter #1
VICKI
Is this a joke?
Vicki opens another letter.
Insert: Reference letter #1 again
VICKI
This can't be right.
Vicki opens the next letter.
Insert: Reference letter #2
Vicki opens several more letters, each repeating the same standard message. Each is signed by M. Donahue.
VICKI
No no no no no. This is a mistake.
Vicki calls the Transition Assistance Office. She hits several buttons to get through the automated message. While navigating the menu, she shifts position in the kitchen.
VICKI
Vicki Delgado.
(beat)
I just got back. I have some letters.
(beat)
My medical benefits were revoked and my pension was cut. Is this a joke?
(beat)
What do I do next?
(beat)
Sit tight? What do you mean, "sit tight?"
(beat)
You already transferred me to that department.
(beat)
I was shot! You could get a real person to help me.
(beat)
I would love to calm down, but you're not making it easy.
(beat)
Yeah, well, I hope you stub your toe.
Vicki hangs up.
INT. VICKI'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Vicki is on her laptop looking up M. Donahue on the internet. She pulls up images and his work location. She writes down the address.
EXT. TALL OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
A tall office building is shown.
EXT. TRANSITION OFFICES HALLWAY - DAY
Vicki waits in the office hallway. MICHEL DONAHUE enters.
MICHEL
Hi, Vicki?
VICKI
Yes. Nice to meet you, sir.
MICHEL
Please it's Michel.
Michel directs Vicki to his office.
VICKI
I received several letters. I think by mistake.
Vicki and Michel disappear behind a door.
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel shuts his office door and sits at his desk.
MICHEL
I hear you. Budget cuts. There's nothing we can do. My cost analysis shows that this is the best way to-
VICKI
Treat your veterans? I assure you, it's not.
MICHEL
We have a few things lined up for you, interviews, meetings. If you could just...
MICHEL/VICKI (Together)
Sit tight.
VICKI
Got it.
MICHEL
Have some water. The future will be better tomorrow.
Michel hands Vicki a water bottle.
INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki drinks from the water bottle. Michel crosses the road in front of her. She drives at him. He bounces off the front of the car and she drives over him.
INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki scratches out the idea of hit by a car and writes: "Witnesses??"
INT. MAIL ROOM - DAY
Strangling - Apartment mail room - Starred on pad
EXT. BIG LOTS - DAY
Shot - Airsoft - behind big lots - "Cost analysis - expensive"
EXT. BUS TERMINAL - DAY
Pushing in front of bus - Bus scene - "More witnesses??"
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Poison bottled water - Office - "Where to get poison?"
Stabbing - in office - Starred on pad - circles it
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Vicki stalks Michel into his office. As he is entering the room with his back turned, he sees Vicki's reflection wielding a knife and spins around.
MICHEL
Whoa! Hey there! Whoa! Can we talk about this?
VICKI
Talk is cheap. It fits into your cost analysis.
MICHEL
I'm serious! We'll get you fixed right up!
VICKI
Today?
MICHEL
This minute.
VICKI
You turn me in, I'll give you a budget cut you'll never forget.
Vicki brandishes the knife at him.
Michel gulps and types on his computer. He changes her status from "inactive" to "active." A different military member gets status changed from "active" to "inactive."
MICHEL
There. All fixed.
VICKI
Thank you. Was that so hard?
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
There's a knock at the door. Vicki answers. We don't see the courier. She takes the letter. "Deployment Orders" is printed across the envelope.
VICKI
Son of a bi-
Cut to black
EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
Vicki gets back on the bus, dressed in fatigues, carrying her duffel bag.
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel is shown murdered- stabbed
For anyone who's stuck with it this far, here's the final video we shot:
There were many things we liked about this one:
Last weekend, we scheduled our 48 Hour Film Project practice session. What we didn't count on was that mother nature also scheduled a blizzard for that weekend! Rather than waste a good practice weekend (we only have a couple left between now and the actual event), we decided to take a different attitude:
At 7:00 Friday we hit my 48HFP Test Script Generator and it gave us the following specifics:
Name: Michel / Marina Donahue
Occupation: Cost Analysis Engineer
Prop: a gate
Line of Dialogue: "The future will be better tomorrow"
Genre: Dark Comedy
Dark Comedy is one of those genres we're not at all confident with. All the more reason to practice with it, right? We noodled with it a bit and came up with a cost analysis engineer making budget cuts that affect veterans.
We got a script written that was right around 8 pages long, which is obviously too long for a 4-7 minute short. We made a copy of it and went through ripping things out left and right, but keeping the story intact as much as possible. Then we decided to keep the shorter script. Here it is:
Modern day Denver
Vicki is just arriving home after getting out of the military.
EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
VICKI steps off the bus wearing fatigues, carrying her duffel bag on her back.
EXT. PEDESTRIAN BRIDGE - DAY
Vicki crosses the bridge.
EXT. APARTMENT GATE - DAY
Vicki passes through the apartment gate. Apartment buildings are seen in the background.
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Vicki comes home to an empty apartment. A pile of letters sit on the kitchen counter. She sighs, shrugs out of her duffel bag with some discomfort, and drops her duffel as her phone dings.
Insert: Text Message: Sorry I didn't pick you up. Welcome back! We need to talk. I've fallen for someone else.
VICKI
No need to talk. Go suck a dick.
Insert: Text Message: About that...His name is Clyde.
VICKI
Are you kidding me!?
She throws her phone onto the couch.
VICKI
Asshole. I dodged that bullet.
Vicki flips through the stack of letters. Most of the mail is junk, but a few official letters stand out. She opens one.
Insert: Reference letter #1
VICKI
Is this a joke?
Vicki opens another letter.
Insert: Reference letter #1 again
VICKI
This can't be right.
Vicki opens the next letter.
Insert: Reference letter #2
Vicki opens several more letters, each repeating the same standard message. Each is signed by M. Donahue.
VICKI
No no no no no. This is a mistake.
Vicki calls the Transition Assistance Office. She hits several buttons to get through the automated message. While navigating the menu, she shifts position in the kitchen.
VICKI
Vicki Delgado.
(beat)
I just got back. I have some letters.
(beat)
My medical benefits were revoked and my pension was cut. Is this a joke?
(beat)
What do I do next?
(beat)
Sit tight? What do you mean, "sit tight?"
(beat)
You already transferred me to that department.
(beat)
I was shot! You could get a real person to help me.
(beat)
I would love to calm down, but you're not making it easy.
(beat)
Yeah, well, I hope you stub your toe.
Vicki hangs up.
INT. VICKI'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Vicki is on her laptop looking up M. Donahue on the internet. She pulls up images and his work location. She writes down the address.
EXT. TALL OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
A tall office building is shown.
EXT. TRANSITION OFFICES HALLWAY - DAY
Vicki waits in the office hallway. MICHEL DONAHUE enters.
MICHEL
Hi, Vicki?
VICKI
Yes. Nice to meet you, sir.
MICHEL
Please it's Michel.
Michel directs Vicki to his office.
VICKI
I received several letters. I think by mistake.
Vicki and Michel disappear behind a door.
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel shuts his office door and sits at his desk.
MICHEL
I hear you. Budget cuts. There's nothing we can do. My cost analysis shows that this is the best way to-
VICKI
Treat your veterans? I assure you, it's not.
MICHEL
We have a few things lined up for you, interviews, meetings. If you could just...
MICHEL/VICKI (Together)
Sit tight.
VICKI
Got it.
MICHEL
Have some water. The future will be better tomorrow.
Michel hands Vicki a water bottle.
INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki drinks from the water bottle. Michel crosses the road in front of her. She drives at him. He bounces off the front of the car and she drives over him.
INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki scratches out the idea of hit by a car and writes: "Witnesses??"
INT. MAIL ROOM - DAY
Strangling - Apartment mail room - Starred on pad
EXT. BIG LOTS - DAY
Shot - Airsoft - behind big lots - "Cost analysis - expensive"
EXT. BUS TERMINAL - DAY
Pushing in front of bus - Bus scene - "More witnesses??"
INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Poison bottled water - Office - "Where to get poison?"
Stabbing - in office - Starred on pad - circles it
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Vicki stalks Michel into his office. As he is entering the room with his back turned, he sees Vicki's reflection wielding a knife and spins around.
MICHEL
Whoa! Hey there! Whoa! Can we talk about this?
VICKI
Talk is cheap. It fits into your cost analysis.
MICHEL
I'm serious! We'll get you fixed right up!
VICKI
Today?
MICHEL
This minute.
VICKI
You turn me in, I'll give you a budget cut you'll never forget.
Vicki brandishes the knife at him.
Michel gulps and types on his computer. He changes her status from "inactive" to "active." A different military member gets status changed from "active" to "inactive."
MICHEL
There. All fixed.
VICKI
Thank you. Was that so hard?
INT. APARTMENT - DAY
There's a knock at the door. Vicki answers. We don't see the courier. She takes the letter. "Deployment Orders" is printed across the envelope.
VICKI
Son of a bi-
Cut to black
EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
Vicki gets back on the bus, dressed in fatigues, carrying her duffel bag.
INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel is shown murdered- stabbed
For anyone who's stuck with it this far, here's the final video we shot:
There were many things we liked about this one:
- The first is that we shared it on Facebook! This is a huge step forward as we're willing to let people see what we've put together. The first attempt (Sycamore) was almost totally private. And terrible. The second (Shiny Side Up) was shared with a very select, small audience.
- I mentioned getting the script down to five pages before we started.
- Our over-the-shoulder shots looked a lot better than the conversation we included in Shiny Side Up.
- The drive-by scene timing was perfect.
- There's more motion in the camera this time, and our composition has improved.
- The foley on the walk over the bridge (mostly muted in the final version) was good.
- Although I didn't like the reason we had to do it, I liked the editing to mask the second text message to get a shot of just the first one.
- This also included our first attempt at ADR dialogue ("Hi, Vicky? Please, it's Michel.")
- We used 8 locations
- It took 54 hours to get to the final
- We could have done the bus logistics better
- Our food plan wasn't the best
- The snowstorm really slowed us down. Did I mention 8 locations?
- We were still filming scenes Sunday morning, which cut into our editing time.
- We're still looking for a good solution to the audio issues. We basically need someone holding a boom pole to get the mic in place.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
HE, DID - The Iron Writer
Here's my submission to The Iron Writer. The elements were 1) frozen Venice, 2) a lame llama, 3) a straight jacket, and 4) settling a grudge via a thumb war.
HE, DID
by Brett A. Paul
“He really is the most amazing specimen you’ll see,” the nurse told me as we walked down the sterile hospital corridor toward the psychiatric ward.
“Let’s refer to him as the patient, please.”
“Sorry, doctor. His main personality and his alters talk with each other out loud. It’s eerie.”
We stopped in front of a door labeled “SAFE ROOM 1.” Below the label was a whiteboard with the name “Herman Engalls” scrawled on it. Above the label was a window that she unlatched and slid open, giving us a view into Herman’s padded cell.
The patient sat in the corner, wrapped in a straight jacket. He was bald, though looked young, perhaps twenty. Dark circles settled under each eye, and a scar crossed the bridge of his nose. He seemed to be having a conversation. I turned my head to listen.
In a high-pitched falsetto, he said, “Look at frozen Venice. Isn’t that amazing?” His eyes crossed a moment, as though looking at something held in right front of his face.
“That picture is a hoax!” he said in a deep voice. “The ice is from Russia and you know it!” This was the voice I would have expected from the man. He carried on, alternating between the voices.
“Liar! Your llama is lame!”
“You leave my lame llama alone!” He began to rock softly back and forth.
“Lame llama!”
“At least my llama is real!” He twisted against his bonds, then settled back against the wall again.
“But he’s laaaaaame!”
“You two shut up!” yelled an entirely different voice, his face contorted with anger. The scar flared an angry white.
Then his face relaxed and his breathing leveled out. The falsetto returned. “I know how to settle this.”
“I know what you’re going to say. If I win, you don’t get to talk about my llama.”
“Okay! One, two, three, four,” said the falsetto.
“I declare a thumb war!” answered the man’s voice.
The straight jacket began to wiggle on both sides, just under his elbows, where his thumbs were covered by canvas.
The nurse slid the window closed and looked at me. I met her eyes. “We’ve got a long way to go to get the personalities to trust each other,” I said. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Let me in, please.”
The story won second place, with feedback that I used the elements well, and criticism that I didn't use the 525 word allotment more fully. I can live with that.
HE, DID
by Brett A. Paul
“He really is the most amazing specimen you’ll see,” the nurse told me as we walked down the sterile hospital corridor toward the psychiatric ward.
“Let’s refer to him as the patient, please.”
“Sorry, doctor. His main personality and his alters talk with each other out loud. It’s eerie.”
We stopped in front of a door labeled “SAFE ROOM 1.” Below the label was a whiteboard with the name “Herman Engalls” scrawled on it. Above the label was a window that she unlatched and slid open, giving us a view into Herman’s padded cell.
The patient sat in the corner, wrapped in a straight jacket. He was bald, though looked young, perhaps twenty. Dark circles settled under each eye, and a scar crossed the bridge of his nose. He seemed to be having a conversation. I turned my head to listen.
In a high-pitched falsetto, he said, “Look at frozen Venice. Isn’t that amazing?” His eyes crossed a moment, as though looking at something held in right front of his face.
“That picture is a hoax!” he said in a deep voice. “The ice is from Russia and you know it!” This was the voice I would have expected from the man. He carried on, alternating between the voices.
“Liar! Your llama is lame!”
“You leave my lame llama alone!” He began to rock softly back and forth.
“Lame llama!”
“At least my llama is real!” He twisted against his bonds, then settled back against the wall again.
“But he’s laaaaaame!”
“You two shut up!” yelled an entirely different voice, his face contorted with anger. The scar flared an angry white.
Then his face relaxed and his breathing leveled out. The falsetto returned. “I know how to settle this.”
“I know what you’re going to say. If I win, you don’t get to talk about my llama.”
“Okay! One, two, three, four,” said the falsetto.
“I declare a thumb war!” answered the man’s voice.
The straight jacket began to wiggle on both sides, just under his elbows, where his thumbs were covered by canvas.
The nurse slid the window closed and looked at me. I met her eyes. “We’ve got a long way to go to get the personalities to trust each other,” I said. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Let me in, please.”
The story won second place, with feedback that I used the elements well, and criticism that I didn't use the 525 word allotment more fully. I can live with that.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Symphonium - 48 HFP Practice
This was a spur-of-the-moment writing session. We went out of our way to find a genre we didn't feel comfortable with, and ended up with Silent Film. We only gave ourselves 90 minutes, and hit it pretty close to on-time.
The specifics we got really didn't speak to us (aside from the obvious disconnect between a music box and a silent film), but we ended up with something we'd like to play around with for practice. Maybe with some feedback it will turn into something decent.
Your 48HFP Trial has the following specifics:
Name: Burt / Becky Carino
Occupation: Surgeon
Prop: a music-box
Line of Dialogue: Some get wetter, some get drier.
Genre: Silent Film*
Logline: A man and woman are in love, but when problems arise, the music box takes the fall. - Symphonium
Linear storyline
He walks past a sign at a dry cleaners (Some get wetter, some get dryer)
After that he sees the tinkerer’s shop
music box in the window looks at him
He gives her a music box; it has a picture in it of them
- she adores it
Day in the life
- perspective of music box
- working out
- vacuuming
- party/showing it to friends
Middle
Music box gets broken during an argument
They break up because of the argument
End
He arrives with flowers; finds the music box in the trash
He fixes the music box, places it at her front door
She catches him, sees it, adores it again.
They kiss and make up.
The script follows.
-----
FADE IN
EXT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY
A music box sits in the window.
Slow pull back from the music box.
EXT. BUSY SIDEWALK - DAY
The sound of cars honking and buses of a busy street dance around Adrian. Adrian walks along a busy sidewalk with a cup of coffee in his hand. A chalkboard easel comes into view. It reads:
“Some get wetter, some get drier” an arrow points to the dry cleaners.
Adrian chuckles and starts to walk by. The Dry Cleaner stands in the door frame and beckons him to get his coat cleaned. Adrian passes on the offer. The Dry Cleaner pulls his arm, Adrian passes. The Dry Cleaner pulls his arm again spilling coffee on his jacket. The Dry Cleaner motions for him to get his jacket cleaned. Adrian scrunches his face at the Dry Cleaner and walks on brushing off the coffee.
He sees the other side of the easel. It reads:
“I fix your things” an arrow points to the “All in Good Time” tinker shop.
Adrian continues to walk on when something catches him from the corner of his eye. He turns and stares into the shop.
INT. MUSIC SHOP - DAY
Music Box POV: We see Adrian staring at the music box and the street behind him. He walks into the shop and out of frame. The street is busy with passersby. A BELL rings as he opens the door. A CASH REGISTER dings as he pays.
Music Box POV: Music box gets wrapped in paper and put inside a bag - Cut to Black.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mary unwraps the music box.
Music plays.
Mary places the music box next to a candle, funeral program, and picture of her father (the surgeon) in a doctor’s coat (or a close friend). The funeral program reads:
“In Loving Memory: Dr. Burt Carino”
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple do yoga side by side.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple has friends over for board games.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple gets close to each other and run off screen.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: Mary rolls her eyes at Adrian.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Music Box POV: The couple dance with candlelight around them in nice formal clothing.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: Couple and friends bring in boxes.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple do yoga side by side.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple eat on the couch.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple gets close to each other and run off screen.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: The couple eat on the couch.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Music Box POV: Couple sit on either side of the couch. Arms folded and not talking.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Music Box POV: The couple yells at one another. Arms shoot up in the air. Adrian knocks the music box from its perch, shattering it on the ground.
Mary’s eyes well with tears as she yells “GET OUT!” She crumples to the floor next to the music box. The front door shuts.
EXT. MARY’S FRONT YARD - DAY
Adrian arrives at Mary’s house with flowers in hand. On the way from the car to her door he passes by the trash, at the top of which is the broken music box. Adrian takes the broken music box and flowers, gets back in his car and leaves.
INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY
Adrian enters the shop. In his hands he carefully carries the broken music box.
INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY
Adrian converses with the tinker. He mimes the argument that caused the music box to break. The tinker takes the broken music box, nodding with understanding.
EXT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY
Adrian paces like an expectant father. After some time, the tinkerer comes out and beckons him inside.
The music box music begins again without distortion.
INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY
The music box is fixed. Adrian tries to pay the tinker, but he refuses the money.
EXT. MARY’S FRONT DOOR - DAY
Adrian knocks on the front door. Mary answers with a sour look on her face. He presents her with the repaired music box. Kiss and make up.
INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
See the couple dancing in the living room to the music box’s music.
SLOW PUSH INTO MUSIC BOX
ROLL CREDITS
First read through: 4:10
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