Evolution of Budget Cuts

The rough: It's actually a little extra-rough going back and watching this version.


The semi-final: Still no audio clean-up.


The final: Not bad!

Obama Poem - The Iron Writer quickie

There was a quick challenge on The Iron Writer to write a poem about Obama including the words Mars, Insurance, "Grey Matter" and "Chunky Chocolate Chips." Here's my entry, written over lunch:

Going to Mars, yes we can
We have the grey matter
Let us all fund NASA’s plan
Their budget’s been flatter

Never been this far in space
Here we all are rookies
I like chunky chocolate chips
When it comes to cookies

There will be guitars on Mars
You have my assurance
USPS ships them out
Buy the right insurance

Hope you like my new campaign
Taking us to space now
Bade bade deshon mein
You know what I mean. Ciao!

Budget Cuts - 48HFP Practice

Third time's the charm, right?

Last weekend, we scheduled our 48 Hour Film Project practice session. What we didn't count on was that mother nature also scheduled a blizzard for that weekend! Rather than waste a good practice weekend (we only have a couple left between now and the actual event), we decided to take a different attitude:



At 7:00 Friday we hit my 48HFP Test Script Generator and it gave us the following specifics:
Name: Michel / Marina Donahue
Occupation: Cost Analysis Engineer
Prop: a gate
Line of Dialogue: "The future will be better tomorrow"
Genre: Dark Comedy

Dark Comedy is one of those genres we're not at all confident with. All the more reason to practice with it, right? We noodled with it a bit and came up with a cost analysis engineer making budget cuts that affect veterans.

We got a script written that was right around 8 pages long, which is obviously too long for a 4-7 minute short. We made a copy of it and went through ripping things out left and right, but keeping the story intact as much as possible. Then we decided to keep the shorter script. Here it is:

Modern day Denver
Vicki is just arriving home after getting out of the military.

EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
VICKI steps off the bus wearing fatigues, carrying her duffel bag on her back.

EXT. PEDESTRIAN BRIDGE - DAY
Vicki crosses the bridge.

EXT. APARTMENT GATE - DAY
Vicki passes through the apartment gate. Apartment buildings are seen in the background.

INT. APARTMENT - DAY
Vicki comes home to an empty apartment. A pile of letters sit on the kitchen counter. She sighs, shrugs out of her duffel bag with some discomfort, and drops her duffel as her phone dings.

Insert: Text Message: Sorry I didn't pick you up. Welcome back! We need to talk. I've fallen for someone else.

VICKI
No need to talk. Go suck a dick.

Insert: Text Message: About that...His name is Clyde.

VICKI
Are you kidding me!?

She throws her phone onto the couch.

VICKI
Asshole. I dodged that bullet.

Vicki flips through the stack of letters. Most of the mail is junk, but a few official letters stand out. She opens one.

Insert: Reference letter #1

VICKI
Is this a joke?

Vicki opens another letter.

Insert: Reference letter #1 again

VICKI
This can't be right.

Vicki opens the next letter.

Insert: Reference letter #2

Vicki opens several more letters, each repeating the same standard message. Each is signed by M. Donahue.

VICKI
No no no no no. This is a mistake.

Vicki calls the Transition Assistance Office. She hits several buttons to get through the automated message. While navigating the menu, she shifts position in the kitchen.

VICKI
Vicki Delgado.
(beat)
I just got back. I have some letters.
(beat)
My medical benefits were revoked and my pension was cut. Is this a joke?
(beat)
What do I do next?
(beat)
Sit tight? What do you mean, "sit tight?"
(beat)
You already transferred me to that department.
(beat)
I was shot! You could get a real person to help me.
(beat)
I would love to calm down, but you're not making it easy.
(beat)
Yeah, well, I hope you stub your toe.

Vicki hangs up.

INT. VICKI'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Vicki is on her laptop looking up M. Donahue on the internet. She pulls up images and his work location. She writes down the address.

EXT. TALL OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
A tall office building is shown.

EXT. TRANSITION OFFICES HALLWAY - DAY
Vicki waits in the office hallway. MICHEL DONAHUE enters.

MICHEL
Hi, Vicki?

VICKI
Yes. Nice to meet you, sir.

MICHEL
Please it's Michel.

Michel directs Vicki to his office.

VICKI
I received several letters. I think by mistake.

Vicki and Michel disappear behind a door.

INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel shuts his office door and sits at his desk.

MICHEL
I hear you. Budget cuts. There's nothing we can do. My cost analysis shows that this is the best way to-

VICKI
Treat your veterans? I assure you, it's not.

MICHEL
We have a few things lined up for you, interviews, meetings. If you could just...

MICHEL/VICKI (Together)
Sit tight.

VICKI
Got it.

MICHEL
Have some water. The future will be better tomorrow.

Michel hands Vicki a water bottle.

INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki drinks from the water bottle. Michel crosses the road in front of her. She drives at him. He bounces off the front of the car and she drives over him.

INT. CAR - DAY
Vicki scratches out the idea of hit by a car and writes: "Witnesses??"

INT. MAIL ROOM - DAY
Strangling - Apartment mail room - Starred on pad

EXT. BIG LOTS - DAY
Shot - Airsoft - behind big lots - "Cost analysis - expensive"

EXT. BUS TERMINAL - DAY
Pushing in front of bus - Bus scene - "More witnesses??"

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Poison bottled water - Office - "Where to get poison?"
Stabbing - in office - Starred on pad - circles it

INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Vicki stalks Michel into his office. As he is entering the room with his back turned, he sees Vicki's reflection wielding a knife and spins around.

MICHEL
Whoa! Hey there! Whoa! Can we talk about this?

VICKI
Talk is cheap. It fits into your cost analysis.

MICHEL
I'm serious! We'll get you fixed right up!

VICKI
Today?

MICHEL
This minute.

VICKI
You turn me in, I'll give you a budget cut you'll never forget.

Vicki brandishes the knife at him.

Michel gulps and types on his computer. He changes her status from "inactive" to "active." A different military member gets status changed from "active" to "inactive."

MICHEL
There. All fixed.

VICKI
Thank you. Was that so hard?

INT. APARTMENT - DAY
There's a knock at the door. Vicki answers. We don't see the courier. She takes the letter. "Deployment Orders" is printed across the envelope.

VICKI
Son of a bi-

Cut to black

EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
Vicki gets back on the bus, dressed in fatigues, carrying her duffel bag.

INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - DAY
Michel is shown murdered- stabbed

 For anyone who's stuck with it this far, here's the final video we shot:



There were many things we liked about this one:

• The first is that we shared it on Facebook! This is a huge step forward as we're willing to let people see what we've put together. The first attempt (Sycamore) was almost totally private. And terrible. The second (Shiny Side Up) was shared with a very select, small audience. 
• I mentioned getting the script down to five pages before we started. 
• Our over-the-shoulder shots looked a lot better than the conversation we included in Shiny Side Up. 
• The drive-by scene timing was perfect. 
• There's more motion in the camera this time, and our composition has improved. 
• The foley on the walk over the bridge (mostly muted in the final version) was good. 
• Although I didn't like the reason we had to do it, I liked the editing to mask the second text message to get a shot of just the first one. 
• This also included our first attempt at ADR dialogue ("Hi, Vicky? Please, it's Michel.")

What didn't go well:

• We used 8 locations
• It took 54 hours to get to the final
• We could have done the bus logistics better
• Our food plan wasn't the best
• The snowstorm really slowed us down. Did I mention 8 locations?
• We were still filming scenes Sunday morning, which cut into our editing time.
• We're still looking for a good solution to the audio issues. We basically need someone holding a boom pole to get the mic in place.

All in all, we were pretty pleased with the outcome. Looking forward to the next one. Hopefully there will be more than the two of us at that one.

HE, DID - The Iron Writer

Here's my submission to The Iron Writer. The elements were 1) frozen Venice, 2) a lame llama, 3) a straight jacket, and 4) settling a grudge via a thumb war.

HE, DID
by Brett A. Paul

“He really is the most amazing specimen you’ll see,” the nurse told me as we walked down the sterile hospital corridor toward the psychiatric ward.

“Let’s refer to him as the patient, please.”

“Sorry, doctor. His main personality and his alters talk with each other out loud. It’s eerie.”

We stopped in front of a door labeled “SAFE ROOM 1.” Below the label was a whiteboard with the name “Herman Engalls” scrawled on it. Above the label was a window that she unlatched and slid open, giving us a view into Herman’s padded cell.

The patient sat in the corner, wrapped in a straight jacket. He was bald, though looked young, perhaps twenty. Dark circles settled under each eye, and a scar crossed the bridge of his nose. He seemed to be having a conversation. I turned my head to listen.

In a high-pitched falsetto, he said, “Look at frozen Venice. Isn’t that amazing?” His eyes crossed a moment, as though looking at something held in right front of his face.

“That picture is a hoax!” he said in a deep voice. “The ice is from Russia and you know it!” This was the voice I would have expected from the man. He carried on, alternating between the voices.

“Liar! Your llama is lame!”

“You leave my lame llama alone!” He began to rock softly back and forth.

“Lame llama!”

“At least my llama is real!” He twisted against his bonds, then settled back against the wall again.

“But he’s laaaaaame!”

“You two shut up!” yelled an entirely different voice, his face contorted with anger. The scar flared an angry white.

Then his face relaxed and his breathing leveled out. The falsetto returned. “I know how to settle this.”

“I know what you’re going to say. If I win, you don’t get to talk about my llama.”

“Okay! One, two, three, four,” said the falsetto.

“I declare a thumb war!” answered the man’s voice.

The straight jacket began to wiggle on both sides, just under his elbows, where his thumbs were covered by canvas.

The nurse slid the window closed and looked at me. I met her eyes. “We’ve got a long way to go to get the personalities to trust each other,” I said. I took a deep breath and let it out. “Let me in, please.”


The story won second place, with feedback that I used the elements well, and criticism that I didn't use the 525 word allotment more fully. I can live with that.

Symphonium - 48 HFP Practice

This was a spur-of-the-moment writing session. We went out of our way to find a genre we didn't feel comfortable with, and ended up with Silent Film. We only gave ourselves 90 minutes, and hit it pretty close to on-time. 

The specifics we got really didn't speak to us (aside from the obvious disconnect between a music box and a silent film), but we ended up with something we'd like to play around with for practice. Maybe with some feedback it will turn into something decent.

Your 48HFP Trial has the following specifics:

Name: Burt / Becky Carino

Occupation: Surgeon

Prop: a music-box

Line of Dialogue: Some get wetter, some get drier.

Genre: Silent Film*

Logline: A man and woman are in love, but when problems arise, the music box takes the fall. - Symphonium

Linear storyline

He walks past a sign at a dry cleaners (Some get wetter, some get dryer)

After that he sees the tinkerer’s shop

    music box in the window looks at him

He gives her a music box; it has a picture in it of them

• she adores it

Day in the life

• perspective of music box
• working out
• vacuuming
• party/showing it to friends

Middle

Music box gets broken during an argument

They break up because of the argument

End

He arrives with flowers; finds the music box in the trash

He fixes the music box, places it at her front door

She catches him, sees it, adores it again.

They kiss and make up.

The script follows.

-----

FADE IN

EXT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY

A music box sits in the window.

Slow pull back from the music box.

EXT. BUSY SIDEWALK - DAY

The sound of cars honking and buses of a busy street dance around Adrian. Adrian walks along a busy sidewalk with a cup of coffee in his hand. A chalkboard easel comes into view. It reads:

“Some get wetter, some get drier” an arrow points to the dry cleaners.

Adrian chuckles and starts to walk by. The Dry Cleaner stands in the door frame and beckons him to get his coat cleaned. Adrian passes on the offer. The Dry Cleaner pulls his arm, Adrian passes. The Dry Cleaner pulls his arm again spilling coffee on his jacket. The Dry Cleaner motions for him to get his jacket cleaned. Adrian scrunches his face at the Dry Cleaner and walks on brushing off the coffee.

He sees the other side of the easel. It reads:

“I fix your things” an arrow points to the “All in Good Time” tinker shop.

Adrian continues to walk on when something catches him from the corner of his eye. He turns and stares into the shop.

INT. MUSIC SHOP - DAY

Music Box POV: We see Adrian staring at the music box and the street behind him. He walks into the shop and out of frame. The street is busy with passersby. A BELL rings as he opens the door. A CASH REGISTER dings as he pays.

Music Box POV: Music box gets wrapped in paper and put inside a bag - Cut to Black.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Mary unwraps the music box.

Music plays.

Mary places the music box next to a candle, funeral program, and picture of her father (the surgeon) in a doctor’s coat (or a close friend). The funeral program reads:

“In Loving Memory: Dr. Burt Carino”

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple do yoga side by side.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple has friends over for board games.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple gets close to each other and run off screen.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: Mary rolls her eyes at Adrian.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Music Box POV: The couple dance with candlelight around them in nice formal clothing.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: Couple and friends bring in boxes.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple do yoga side by side.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple eat on the couch.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple gets close to each other and run off screen.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: The couple eat on the couch.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Music Box POV: Couple sit on either side of the couch. Arms folded and not talking.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Music Box POV: The couple yells at one another. Arms shoot up in the air. Adrian knocks the music box from its perch, shattering it on the ground.

Mary’s eyes well with tears as she yells “GET OUT!” She crumples to the floor next to the music box. The front door shuts.

EXT. MARY’S FRONT YARD - DAY

Adrian arrives at Mary’s house with flowers in hand. On the way from the car to her door he passes by the trash, at the top of which is the broken music box. Adrian takes the broken music box and flowers, gets back in his car and leaves.

INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY

Adrian enters the shop. In his hands he carefully carries the broken music box.

INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY

Adrian converses with the tinker. He mimes the argument that caused the music box to break. The tinker takes the broken music box, nodding with understanding.

EXT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY

Adrian paces like an expectant father. After some time, the tinkerer comes out and beckons him inside.

The music box music begins again without distortion.

INT. ALL IN GOOD TIME TINKER SHOP - DAY

The music box is fixed. Adrian tries to pay the tinker, but he refuses the money.

EXT. MARY’S FRONT DOOR - DAY

Adrian knocks on the front door. Mary answers with a sour look on her face. He presents her with the repaired music box. Kiss and make up.

INT. MARY’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

See the couple dancing in the living room to the music box’s music.

SLOW PUSH INTO MUSIC BOX

ROLL CREDITS

First read through: 4:10

The Blind Leading the Blind - 48HFP Practice

On January 17th, Jess and I decided to do another script writing challenge for 48 Hour Film Project practice. Our trial had the following specifics:

Name: Kasey (male) / Karan (female) Troutman

Occupation: Nuclear Engineer

Prop: Lemons

Line of Dialogue: Moscow is a dirty place.

Genre: Comedy

We came up with a loose plot:

The main character is lonely. His sister is getting married and wants to make sure he doesn’t show up stag. For both reasons, he has agreed to go on dates to find a potential companion. He stands up the first blind date, putting his sister on edge. He is in danger of upsetting their nuclear family.  His best bud, a known womanizer, convinces him to attend a speed dating event in hopes of finding a date. He doesn’t find anyone. They’re all awful and not right for him. His sister makes him pick up her friend for the wedding - the one he stood up but he doesn’t know it. She turns out to be lovely and just what he’s looking for. (She can even mention she’s glad he’s not like this jerk who stood her up.) New girl is a veterinarian. He’s a dog walker. They hit it off.

Scenes:

• Apartment or car or office, on phone - Adam on phone with his sister talking about how she wants him to not show up alone to her wedding, and that she had set him up on a blind date but he didn’t show. (“That’s not how I get to know people.” “Well, how would you know how to meet people? All you do is ”)
• Restaurant - Scene with his buddy setting him up for speed dating; Same restaurant - Speed dating scene - goes through several speed date encounters, various cover stories
• Same as first scene - Adam on phone with sister again, being asked to pick up her friend for the big day
• Car - Picking up the friend for the big day, hitting it off, indirect reveal that she’s the blind date (not to her)

The script follows:

THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND

INT. OFFICE - DAY

Adam is talking on a PHONE, standing next to his DESK. We hear only his side of the conversation, with brief pauses between.

Adam:

(Impatient)

No. No blind dates. No fixing me up.

Adam’s face looks pained. He holds the phone at arms length while his sister berates him. Then he brings the phone to his ear.

Adam:

Yes. I’m an ass because she had to eat lunch by herself.

Adam:

People go to weddings alone all the time. It’s not the end of the world.

Adam:

You sure it’s the only time? Half of all weddings end in divorce.

Adam:

(Bordering on angry)

Whatever. Have a nice bachelorette party.

Adam hangs up the PHONE and sighs heavily. The phone rings again.

Adam:

(Angry)

What?!

Adam:

(Really friendly)

Oh, hey, man! What’s up?

Adam:

(continues friendly)

Yeah, wings, beer, trivia. What’s not to like? See you tonight!

Adam hangs up the phone again, putting it in his pocket.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Adam and best friend sit in a booth at a hip downtown bar having buffalo wings and drinks. Place gets crowded around them.  

Mike:

I’m telling you, dog walking business is going to get you so much tail!

Adam:

(Gulping down beer)

That’s gross. No, not the beer.

Mike:

Lady tail, not dog tail. Ladies love a man who’s good with animals. Maybe I could come by, help you out from time to time.

Adam:

Sure. Like when I’m lava surfing in Argentina or sky diving in Peru.

Mike:

    Hell yes. If you die, can I get your shit? Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.

Mike gets up from table. Crowd fills in the restaurant. Adam receives a text from sister:

Text:

Need you to pick up boutonnieres Saturday morning.

Mike comes back.

Adam:

That was fast. Did you forget to shake it?

Mike:

I never forget to shake it.

Speed Dating Emcee:

(over microphone)

Hi everyone! What a great night to meet some great people. Am I right?

Adam:

What’re we doing here?

Mike:

Getting you a date.

Adam (CU)

(face frozen in shock)

Mike:

I know what you’re thinking.

Adam:

How?

Mike:

It’s time to get back on the horse.

Adam:

No. No. No. No.

Mike:

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Adam:

No. No. No.

Mike:

Yes. Yes.

Adam:

No.

Mike:

YES! C’mon son!

Hot woman walks up to the table.

HOT WOMAN:

Hi! I’m a little nervous. This is my first speed date. Are you guys doing this too?

Mike and Adam:

Yes.

HOT WOMAN:

Great. Hope to see you out there.

Hot woman walks away.

Mike:

And you doubted me.

(Clicks tongue)

Mike holds name tag sticker out. Adam grabs it.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Adam sits at a table for two sipping his BEER. Main emcee Table is next to him. BELL dings. Michelle sits down at the table opposite from him.

   

Michelle:

Hi there. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?

Adam:

Well, I’m not sure why I’m here. My friend kind of dragged me into this and my sister wants me to find a date for her wedding.

Michelle:

(unenthusiastically)

How nice.

Joanne sits opposite of him. All business

Joanne:

I like water skiing, biking and horses. I work as an analyst for an IT Firm. I’ve just recently moved here and I’m looking to meet new people.

Adam:

That sounds exhausting. I like to play video games and cry my loneliness into buckets of popcorn.  

Wendy sits opposite of him.

Wendy:

So, John, you’re a good-looking fellow. Why are you here?

Adam:

(rapid-talking auctioneer)

Well, when I was 12 years old I had my first kiss behind the barn with a thirteen year old. After that I had a few different girlfriends in high school then I went to college where I met the woman who broke my heart nine different ways from Sunday. I dropped out of college and decided to work in an office part time while I got my dog walking business off the ground. Now my sister wants me to find a date for her wedding and my best friend thought it’d be a good idea to do that here. How do you do?

Wendy:

Um… what?

Sarah sits opposite of him. Goth. She has blacked out the entire NAME TAG with the SHARPIE. She wears an ironic, happy shirt with a picture of lemons and the words, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Cut back and forth twice each between Adam and Sarah, neither saying anything. Bell Dings. Sarah stands up and walks away.

Adam:

Well, good to get to know you.

       

Karan woman sits opposite of him. Nuclear Engineer

Karan:

I’m Karan Troutman. What do you do?

Adam:

I’m a nuclear engineer.

Karan:

Me too! What’s your alma mater?

Adam:

I went to school in Russia.

Karan:

Wow. That must’ve been exciting.

Adam:

Not really. Moscow is a dirty place.

Karan:

I’ve never been.

Adam:

Good. You’re lucky.

Karan:

Would you like my number?

Adam:

No.

Karan:

But I’m a nuclear engineer. You’re a nuclear engineer. That must mean something

Adam:

It means we’re done here.

Adam reaches over and dings the main table bell

EXT. STREET - DAY

Adam pulls up to the curb outside Tracy’s house. Tracy comes out of the house carrying BOUTONNIERES. She has a dog keychain. Adam gets out of the car and opens the door for her.

Adam:

Didn’t realize boutonniere means “beautiful woman.”

Tracy:

Thank you.

Tracy gets in the car.

INT. CAR - DAY

Tracy’s eyes follow Adam. Adam gets in the car.

Tracy:

Thanks for the ride. My car got impounded.

Adam:

Impounded?

Tracy:

I planned a pretty wild party.

Adam:

Did you have midgets?

Tracy:

They’re called little people. And no. But I’m pretty sure there was a goat involved. I was a little worried I would’ve had to take a cab.

Adam:

Why’s that?

Tracy:

Last time I was supposed to meet up with a guy, he never showed.

Adam makes a pained face

Tracy:

Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll show next time.

Adam glances over at Tracy and smiles.

Our first read-through came in just under 5 minutes. Our second was more like 4:25. We decided we would actually like to shoot this one to give us practice doing over-the-shoulder shots. If it turns out, I'll share the video! In the script, the only thing we missed for 48 Hour Film was the prop - lemons - but we figured there would be plenty of opportunity for having lemons in the scene somewhere.