Shiny Side Up - 48HFP Practice

The weekend between Christmas and New Years, Jess and I did a second full dress rehearsal for the 48 Hour Film Project. Once again we used the script specifics generator and got the following:

Name: Derek / Dori Beehler

Occupation: Utility Meter Reader

Prop: a garden

Line of Dialogue: I am going to sleep.

Genre: Mistaken Identity

Here is what we came up with:

Summary: Paranoid person freaks out over meter reader and captures them.

“Shiny Side Up”

-----

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAYTIME

Paranoid person sitting at DESK with NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS and other paranoid BOOKS. SETI screensaver playing on the screen. A TIN FOIL HAT sits upon his head. Some sort of music is on in the background. Sitting at desk and scrolling through stories.

PARANOID PERSON:

They can’t hide for long with all the technology we have at our disposal. I wonder if the McRib is back.

Paranoid person stands up and looks out the window in case someone is out there. Sits down and works more.

PARANOID PERSON:

I could always get a cheeseburger, I suppose. Come on, SETI. Find ‘em.

Paranoid person stands up and looks out the window.

PARANOID PERSON:

What the...

EXT. “BACKYARD” - DAYTIME

Meter reader walks along SIDEWALK wearing a BRIGHT ORANGE JACKET with WIRELESS READER and CLIPBOARD in hand. Stops in front of the house. Shakes wireless reader as though it is not working. Begins to walk toward the house.

INT. HOME OFFICE - DAYTIME

Paranoid Person sees meter reader through WINDOW and begins shaking. He stands up and begins pacing.

PARANOID PERSON:

(Agitated)

They’re back! No! No! No! Not again!

Paranoid person looks out the window through his TELESCOPE.

PARANOID PERSON:

(Agitated)

What the fuck is she doing in my garden!?

Paranoid Person puts the telescope down, opens a LEDGER, and makes a note in it.

PARANOID PERSON:

The last time she came around was November 15th. That’s exactly 30 days! And before that, October. 30 days again!

INT. HALLWAY OF HOME - DAYTIME

Paranoid person races to the door, clumsily putting on BOOTS and JACKET.

PARANOID PERSON:

(Putting on JACKET)

Not this time!

Paranoid person opens the DOOR and storms out.

EXT. “BACKYARD” - DAYTIME

Meter reader puts WIRELESS READER inside JACKET and writes down her findings on a CLIPBOARD with a PEN. Paranoid person comes up behind her. Meter reader turns and looks over her shoulder. Paranoid person hits her across her face. Meter reader gets knocked out and lands on the ground.

INT. GARAGE - NIGHT

Meter reader sits unconscious and bound with her hands behind her back to a CHAIR. Paranoid person searches her jacket, finding her WIRELESS READER. Meter reader begins to wake. Paranoid person steps back, examining the device.

METER READER:

(Groans)

PARANOID PERSON:

(Stands in front of the meter reader)

Where are your friends?

Meter reader opens her eyes and reaches to touch her face. Upon realizing she can’t move her arms, she begins to wiggle her hands and arms to break free.

METER READER:

What the fuck?

PARANOID PERSON:

You heard me! Where are the rest of them!?

METER READER:

I don’t know what you’re talking about!

PARANOID PERSON:

Is this what you use to communicate to the mother ship? Huh!?

METER READER:

Mother ship? Let me go you crazy fuck!

PARANOID PERSON:

Oh, how the tides have turned. Tell me how to contact the others.

METER READER:

Fine! In my other pocket there’s a phone. Dial 9-1-1 and tell them a crazy person has a government employee hostage!

PARANOID PERSON:

You work for the government! What a clever cover. How many others work for the government?

METER READER:

(To herself)

This is not happening. This is not happening.

PARANOID PERSON:

Stop it. Stop talking to yourself!

METER READER:

My name is Dori Beehler. I went to CSU. I live with my parents while I save up enough money to get my own place. Check my pockets. I have my credentials. Please! Check my pocket.

Paranoid person searches other jacket pocket, finds CREDENTIALS CASE. Flips it open, revealing her ID and GOVERNMENT CARD.

PARANOID PERSON:

Of course you would have an ID. You have to keep your cover.

Paranoid person hits random buttons on her WIRELESS READER and holds it in the air to get a signal.

METER READER:

What are you going to do to me?

PARANOID PERSON:

What am I going to do to you? What are you going to do to me!?

Paranoid person opens the GARAGE DOOR slightly and bends down to peek out.

METER READER:

HELP! Someone help! Please! FIRE!

Paranoid person quickly closes the GARAGE DOOR.

PARANOID PERSON:

Would you shut up!?

METER READER:

Why? If you’re going to kill me, maybe someone will see and you won’t get away with it.

PARANOID PERSON:

(Startled)

Kill you? I’m not going to kill you. I’m not a monster.

METER READER:

Then why won’t you untie me and let me go?

PARANOID PERSON:

Because I was bound for what felt like an eternity. When I got back, not a day had gone by and no one cared.

METER READER:

If you let me go, I’ll help you find them.

PARANOID PERSON:

That doesn’t make sense. Why are you here every 30 days for the last 6 months? Are you checking in on me?

METER READER:

What? No. I’m a Utility Meter Reader, like it says on the card. I have a grid of utility boxes to check, and the neighborhood box just happens to be in your backyard. Usually I can get the readings wirelessly, but today our network decided to be spotty. Just my luck.  

PARANOID PERSON:

All right, Meter Reader, answer me this. Are we alone in the universe?

METER READER:

No, man. The truth is out there and shit. There have to be other life forms. I just don’t know why they’d be interested in a species like us.

PARANOID PERSON:

Oh, they’re interested. Very interested. I was taken once. To find truth, you have to filter out the static.

Paranoid person reluctantly removes TIN FOIL HAT and places it upon her head.

PARANOID PERSON:

There. Are you getting the signal?

METER READER:

Oh, boy.

PARANOID PERSON:

Well?

The garage door opens. GREEN and WHITE LIGHT streaming in. He looks back at Meter Reader who has turned her head away.(Camera Direction: MCU on PP’s legs silhouetted by the lights, pull back and up for wide frame shot of PP in front of garage door and lights.) (spaceship sound effect) (fade to white)

METER READER:

(Scoffs)

Took them long enough.

Meter reader pulls her hands free without issue and stands up. ROPE goes flying. Removes TIN FOIL HAT.

METER READER:

Fucking things actually work.

(dark screen, pause a second)

INT. HALLWAY OF HOME - DAYTIME

Paranoid person walks through his home as though he had been assraped.

PARANOID PERSON:

I am going to sleep.

(Credits roll)

This one was far better than Sycamore, and the actual movie was something we haven't been too ashamed to show people since then. (Warning: Some NSFW language.) It actually took us 51 hours to get to this point, which is better than we did with Sycamore (which wasn't technically finished for a week or two after the weekend).

We've gotten good feedback on the script, and have actually tried a few things on the edit, such as shortening the whole thing, having the meter appear in a vignette through the telescope, taking out the "what the---" lines, etc. I was really happy with the music (or lack thereof in some places) we used.

For something two people who don't quite know what they're doing to put together in a weekend? Not bad! More practice to come, of course.

Tap Cat - The Iron Writer Challenge #93

I signed up for a second challenge with The Iron Writer #93. This time, I wasn't going to forget about getting people to vote for me like I did last time. Overall, the elements were not as obnoxious (to me) as challenge 80, though oddly enough, this one included Dr. Pepper as well. Specifically, half a can of flat Dr. Pepper. The other three elements were a steampunk tiger, Soylent Beige (though the link to Wikipedia made no mention of "beige") and tap dance shoes.

To be honest, I was still somewhat soured by my first experience, where I wrote what I thought was a good story that placed highly with the judges, but didn't realize the popular vote aspect counted as much and completely missed when it started and ended. So as a result I wasn't in the mood to put the same kind of effort in on this one as I did on the first. (I nearly forgot to write anything!) When I did finally sit down and put the elements together, and came up with the following story:

Tap Cat

I preferred the dance studio late at night. With only a few lights on and the windows open to let in the cooler air from outside, the sound from my shoes was like sending out pure energy into the night. I was pausing to catch my breath after a run-through of an old Gene Kelly routine, sans sailor suit and cartoon mouse, when I heard an echo of tap shoes filter in through the window.

The alley between the studio and the garage next door was quiet and dark as I leaned out the window for a look. I shrugged and came back inside. Then I heard a thump against the wall at the other window. The next thing I knew there was a miniature tiger perched on the sill!

This was no ordinary tiger, either. It was made up of clockwork and gears and chrome, with a faint steam rising up from somewhere inside it. It hopped down onto the wooden floor, its shiny nails making a metallic click with every step. As it moved, I could hear a whirring of gears. It stopped and looked up at me from a few feet away, its head barely as tall as my knee. While it sat motionless I thought I heard the ticking of a clock. After a moment, I took a couple steps toward it, my shoes clicking on the wood. It looked down at my feet, bobbing its head with my steps.

I tapped out a quick rhythm while it watched. It seemed to understand, and tapped out the same rhythm in return, using all four feet. I tried another rhythm, faster, more complex. It copied me exactly. Before I knew it we were dancing all around the studio together!

At the end of the dance, it looked at me and opened its mouth, sounding like a squeaky hinge. “Are you thirsty?” A quick glance around the studio told me I only had a half can of flat Dr. Pepper sitting neglected in the corner.

I went through the door to the vending machine in the hallway, and the cat followed. I pushed a fiver into the slot. When the machine whirred, the tiger watched, transfixed. I pushed the button for Soylent™ and the machine did its own little dance delivering a can. When I pulled the can from the machine, the tiger leapt up and snatched it out of my hand, biting holes and squirting all over the floor. Then it gulped the can down, ran back into the studio and left through the window again…

“You know what?” she said, narrowing her eyes. “I don’t care how the spill happened as long as you clean it up. But you could at least tell me the truth.”

She turned and left, her high heels clicking on the floor. Through the open window, I heard a rhythmic, tapping response in the alleyway.


The four judges ranked me as #1, #1, #2 and #3, and I got second in the popular vote for 11 points (lower is better). I won! The second place story got first in the popular vote, but slightly lower scores from the judges.

The feedback I got was:

I liked this one a lot. However, I had a little problem with the transition at the end.  I think a mark like a "*  *  *" would have helped to signal a new scene in a perfectly appropriate way. Without it, I was like "huh? Was someone else here the whole time?" and it was distracting and pulled me out of the story.

In my defense, there is an ellipsis before the shift, but I guess it needed a little more. You could interpret it as someone being there the whole time, and the one telling the story is telling it to her. All in all, though, a pretty successful story.

A Sky of Stone - NaNoWriMo 2014

For National Novel Writing Month in 2014, I worked on book three of a story I started in 2010 with "Following the First Star." That led to "A Sky of Stars" and this year I titled it "A Sky of Stone." The name actually came from one of the other books. When I was re-reading it, I found this phrase just sitting there waiting to be used.

I like the way the story came together, even though had to do my usual mid-month rewrite of my outline. At this point I am officially at 52,642 words and have nine more scenes to write, each about 2,000 words. Then comes the work of putting it all together, rewriting, etc. You know, all that stuff I am terrible at? Yeah, that's waiting for me.

On Writing - reading

Finished "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft" by Stephen King. If you are interested in writing, read this. Plain and simple. Even if you don't normally like Stephen King's books, read this. It's short and full of writing advice and interesting stories that will do any writer some good. I'm not going to add my favorite points, because you should read it! (Why are you still here?)

Old Man's War - reading

Finished "Old Man's War" by John Scalzi. It's a hell of a lot better than Redshirts. That's for sure. It felt to me like a novel long in the making, with interesting takes on technology and culture, put together in a nice package that's quick to read. I may consider reading the sequels, though probably not really soon.

A Sky of Stars - reading

Finished "A Sky of Stars" by me. This is the first time I have read this book since I wrote it. The writing is better than in "Following the First Star" but the story isn't quite as complete. As a consequence, starting the third book should be easy, right? RIGHT?

NaNoWriMo 2014 starts in about 2 weeks, and this read-through was part of getting ready for that. Here's to hoping I can pick up where I left off and win once more!

Following the First Star - reading

Finished "Following the First Star" by me. This is yet another re-read as I consider what I'm going to write for NaNoWriMo this year (starting in about four weeks). As I went through, I did find the title of book three of the series right there in the text: "A Sky of Stone." That much was encouraging, at least. I'm also half wondering if I should rename this book to "A Sky of " ("fill in the blank") to fit with the naming theme. A Sky of Colors? Something like that.

I did find one connection that isn't explicitly called out in the text. When I get around to a rewrite, I'll have to include that. It's a way that the antagonist shoots himself in the foot, but it's subtle, so I like it a lot.

Armor - reading

Finished "Armor" by John Steakley. This has been on my list of favorite books for years, but it had been a while since I last read it. I brought it along for the plane ride. I'd still recommend it to anyone who likes a sort of military sci-fi story. Once you read it the first time, though, it does lose a little luster upon re-reading.

After finishing this, I picked up Old Man's War, which is still in progress, though that may be interrupted. (See next post.)

Wicked - reading

Finished "Wicked" by Gregory Maguire. It wasn't what I expected it to be, but it was still excellent. As I was reading it, I heard the same thing repeated by others who have also read it. It's the story of Elphaba (which in my head was el-PHA-ba, but in the play was EL-pha-ba) long before and immediately after the events of the Wizard of Oz. I liked the way the author incorporated iconic elements of the Wizard of Oz, yet still told an original story.

Not-so-coincidentally, I saw Wicked (the play) on Broadway right after I finished the book. (Literally hours after.) The two are really different animals. The book was full of subtleties, intrigue, mischaracterizations explained, etc. The play took out anything that might be confusing and simplified it to tell a different story based on the same things, but had an excellent set and costuming. It's rather what I expect folks from Amber might experience going from one shadow to the next.

Walk the Road - The Iron Writer Challenge #80

I signed up for the Iron Writer challenge and was assigned to challenge #80. (See The Iron Writer #80.) After the challenge was over, I got really busy and didn't notice when the stories were posted to the web site, and only got one vote. The top vote-getter got 11 votes.

Anyway, I wanted to share a bit on how I got to the story I wrote, and since it's short, include the first drafts as well.

The elements we were given that needed to be incorporated into the story were the Peel Trident car, Furby, Dr. Pepper, and a lost emperor. At first I hated the list. "Ridiculous elements!" I thought. So for a while after getting the list, I set it aside.

Then I did some research on each and, after discovering the Peel Trident came from the 1960s, when each one came about. The first two were 16 years apart. Then 32. I continued the pattern, and incorporated that into my story.

First Draft (1,063 words)

Ian stared at the passing countryside and listened to the hum of the bullet train as it sped toward Tokyo. His reverie was broken as a train moving in the opposite direction blurred past. He shook his head and looked again at the invitation he held. It was from Emperor Akihito himself.

“Put it away,” his wife Kumiko told him in Japanese. He looked at her, then around at the other passengers, all Japanese. He was the only westerner in the train car. Nodding, he slid the invitation into his coat pocket. Before he could turn toward the window again, she asked, “How do you know Emperor Akihito?”

“I knew his son. At Oxford in the '80s. He's who got me interested in Japanese culture. That was years ago.”

Kumiko said, “The Trout Inn?”

Ian smiled and nodded. “You remember.”

The train slowed, and Ian held Kumiko's hand, excited for what was to come.

Together they exited the train and made their way to the Imperial Palace, where they were greeted personally by one of the Emperor's advisors. He escorted them through the winding corridors of the emperor's private residence. Kumiko's eyes were wide with wonder at every turn.

They waited in a large, official-looking room, the scent of incense heavy in the air, for several moments while their guide announced them in an adjoining room. He returned and beckoned them to follow. In the smaller room was a bed covered in pillows. Emperor Akihito lay in the middle of the bed, looking much smaller than Ian remembered. He still wore a suit, as though he dressed for some important visitor. His familiar, endearing smile appeared briefly. He nodded as though bowing, and with a faint cough, motioned Ian forward.

“Been a while,” Akihito said in Japanese. “Why no visit?” He gave a faint chuckle.

“What can I do for you?”

Akihito sighed. “I'm glad you came. Please, talk with Shigeru.” Akihito motioned at the man standing on the other side of the bed, then rested his head back on the pillows and closed his eyes.

Shigeru bowed, which Ian returned. “This way.”

They followed Shigeru through the estate and into a separate building. The inside looked like a museum, displaying a diverse collection of artifacts, most behind or under glass.

“This place looks like a museum,” said Kumiko.

From the front of the room, Shigeru said, “Naruhito is missing. He was last seen in this room. We believe you can find him. He left you this.”

Ian took a scroll of paper from Shigeru and read it. Written in English, it said, “Ian, I found the road back. Ask Fabi.” “That's not possible,” Ian said. He looked around a moment, then asked, “Are there any other pieces Naruhito collected?”

“This way,” said Shigeru, leading Ian into another large room.

Ian looked around. In the center of the room on a narrow pedestal was a bronze plaque with a quote from Naruhito himself. It said, “I have had a keen interest in roads since childhood. On roads you can go to the unknown world."

Behind it there was a tiny – even by Japanese standards – red car labeled “PEEL” on a giant black sticker across the front bumper, and a three pronged icon between the headlights. He brought out his phone and searched for “Peel car.” Immediately an image of the car in front of him came up. “A Peel Trident.”

He opened the only door, which opened the car like a red Swingline stapler, and found a newspaper on the seat. He picked it up and unfolded it. The title proudly proclaimed The Hartford Courant. Ian's eyes went wide as he read the date out loud: “Saturday, August 28^th, 1902.” It was in pristine condition! The first story was about President Roosevelt being the guest of the city, and driving his own car on his visit.

Ian turned the page and a photograph fluttered out. He picked it up and was surprised to see Naruhito the subject of the vintage photograph, and standing next to President Roosevelt! They were both holding bottles of Dr Pepper and smiling. “What did you get into?” asked Ian with the wonder of a child.

Across the room, sitting on a chair that sat next to an archway leading down into darkness was a small plush toy. It looked like an owl. Ian looked once more at the note left for him by Naruhito that said, “Ask Fabi.” “Furby?” he wondered aloud.

Before he could traverse the room and inspect the toy closer, someone came into the room and whispered to Shigeru. Ian watched as Shigeru visibly slumped. He nodded and the other man left. “Now you must leave with me. The Emperor has died.”

“What? No!” Ian protested. “If the Emperor is dead, that means Naruhito is the new Emperor. I need to find him!”

“He is not here.”

“I don't think he's gone far,” said Ian. With renewed enthusiasm, he walked to the Furby in the chair. “Hello, Furby.”

Ian was shocked to hear Naruhito's voice come from the toy's speaker. “Name the year and walk the road.”

Ian thought back to the newspaper. “1902?” Furby sang a song. He was wrong.

“Name the year and walk the road.”

Ian took out his phone once more. He looked up Furby. He looked up the Peel Trident. He looked up Dr Pepper, and Roosevelt's visit to Hartford. He studied each, taking notes. When Naruhito-Furby said, “Name the year and walk the road,” Ian wrote them in chronological order: Furby, The Peel Trident, 1902. He grabbed the registration on the car. It was from 1966. Furby was first made in 1998. He squatted next to the chair the Furby sat on and mumbled his way through some quick calculations. “2014 to 1998 is 16 years; 1998 to 1966 is 32 years; 1966 to 1902 is 64 years. 128 years before that would be...” He stood up. “1774!”

The Furby emitted a gleeful, “Ha HA!”

Ian wasn't sure what changed on the walkway, but it looked subtly different to him. He looked back at Kumiko and Shigeru and said, “I'll be right back.” Then he turned and walked down the walkway. “I'm not sure where you are, my lost Emperor, but I'm going to bring you back.”

Walk the Road - Final Draft

Ian, the only westerner in the Imperial Palace, straightened his suit as a palace official approached. Ian showed his invitation. The official bowed and said in Japanese, “I am Shigeru. This way.” Ian was escorted through the winding corridors of the Emperor's private residence, his eyes wide with wonder at every turn.

“How do you know Emperor Akihito?”

“His son and I attended Oxford together in the '80s. Although we first met at 'The Trout Inn' pub, he taught me Japanese culture.”

Moments later, they stood in a small room containing a bed covered in pillows, heavy with the scent of incense. Akihito lay on the bed, looking frailer than Ian remembered. His familiar, endearing smile flashed, then faded. He mocked a bow, and with a faint cough, motioned Ian forward.

“Been a while,” Akihito whispered in Japanese. “Why no visit?” A faint chuckle.

“Tenno.” Ian bowed. “How can I help you?”

Akihito sighed, weary. “Glad you came.” He rested his head, eyes closed. “Shigeru will show you.”

They walked to a separate building that held a diverse collection of artifacts, most behind or under glass. “This place looks like a museum,” said Ian.

“Naruhito was last here. Now he's missing. He left this.”

Shigeru handed Ian a scroll of paper. Written in English, it said: Ian, I found the road back. Ask Fabi.

“That's impossible,” Ian said. He explored the room. In the center stood a narrow pedestal with a bronze plaque: On roads you can go to the unknown world. – Naruhito

Behind it was a tiny – even by Japanese standards – red car. “Is that a Peel Trident?” He pulled the only door, which opened the car like a red Swingline stapler, revealing a newspaper on the seat. He unfolded The Hartford Courant. A vintage photograph fluttered out. Ian retrieved it while reading the newspaper. “Saturday, August 30^th, 1902. President Roosevelt a guest of the city. Pristine!”

The photograph showed Naruhito standing with Roosevelt! They were smiling, holding bottles of Dr Pepper. His mouth gaped! “How did you get there?”

Across the room, a chair sat beside an archway leading down into darkness. On it was a small, owl-like plush toy. Naruhito's note said ask Fabi. “Furby?” he wondered.

Just then someone entered and whispered to Shigeru. Shigeru's shoulders slumped. He said, “The Emperor has died.”

“What? No!” Ian cried. Then, “Naruhito is now Emperor!”

“He's gone.”

“But not far.” Renewed enthusiasm quickened his steps. “Hello, Furby.”

Naruhito's voice replied from the toy: “Name the year. Walk the road.”

Ian thought back to the newspaper. “1902?” Furby sang a song. Wrong answer!

Ian looked up each item in the room. When Naruhito-Furby said, “Name the year. Walk the road,” Ian put them in chronological order: Furby, 1998. The Peel Trident, 1966. The newspaper, 1902. He mumbled his way through some quick calculations. “2014 to 1998, 16 years; 1966, 32; 1902, 64. Subtract 128...”

“1774!”

Furby emitted a gleeful, “Ha HA!”

The arched walkway looked subtly different to him. He said, “I'll be right back,” then walked through. “I'm not sure where you are, my lost Emperor, but I'll bring you back.”