Artemis Returns

I wrote a piece for The Iron Writer again. The elements were: Artemis; A Dilettante; Jello Wrestling; A Moon Rock.

Something I remember from growing up with my sister is, "it's not Jell-O, it's Gelatin. Jell-O is a brand name." That apparently stuck with me for this round. On the other hand, I used "Spongebob."

Artemis Returns

by Brett A. Paul

Artemis made her way around the studio, taking care not to step on any of the piles of discarded clothes and trash. Her flowing robes snagged the corner of a pizza box, pulling it open to reveal sickly-colored crusts. She exhaled in disgust, tugged her robes free, and positioned her bow tight to her body.

She paused to look at sketches tacked to the wall at odd angles. There were women in various states of undress, with blotches of blue and red haphazardly applied.

“These are terrible,” she said, glancing up at the ceiling. “You want me to play muse to a hopeless dilettante? How am I to do that?”

Over the insubstantial blare of distant drunken cheering, she heard the hollow sound of an empty can bouncing off the wooden floor in another part of the apartment. She sighed and headed down the apartment hallway toward the sound.

Though the studio she left was well lit, the rest of the apartment was in shadows. In the living room she located the source of the noise: the television. Here it was unbearably loud, the drunken cheering joined by distorted club music. Light from the idiot box flickered across the living room, and across the man sitting on the couch, alone, watching intently. He gulped from a can of beer, belched loudly, and cheered, vicariously joining the scene.

Artemis stepped into the room unseen, and crossed to see what was so enthralling. On the screen, the camera panned across the crowd of drunken revelers, then focused on two scantily-clad women in an inflatable pool filled with red and blue gelatinous chunks. They wrestled awkwardly against each other. Artemis turned away, disappointment showing deeply.

“Is this pale imitation of a man why you sent me here? If I am to be his muse, this will take something extreme.”

With an arm reached skyward, Artemis concentrated. “Stone of Luna, come to me!” Light flickered at her palm, and she closed her hand around a summoned stone. From her belt she withdrew a sling, loaded the moon rock into it and spun it at incredible speed. With one last glance at the waste of meat and his drunken half smile, she loosed the stone and destroyed the television.

Sparks exploded out from the pulverized electronics. A buzz built up, culminating in a pop, and the room went dark. The man stood up from the couch, unable to comprehend what had just transpired. Into the silence, Artemis giggled at his Spongebob boxers. He spun around, trying to take in the whole room at once, trying to make some sense of what just happened. He looked near her, through her, but she was invisible to him. Then as though waking from a dream, he seemed to see the state of his apartment for the first time. He picked up the empty beer can and took it into the kitchen.

“Remind me never to kill your prize buck again, father,” said Artemis, looking up once more.

Zeus's face appeared above her. He smiled, nodded, and vanished.

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The feedback I received is:
1) Great story – Overall, I can feel the depth of disbelief Artemis is feeling with her current assignment. Well put together. Excellent visuals in the apartment and the jello wrestling television program.

2) I didn’t get this story at all. There were a lot of repetitive words, and I just didn’t feel like the story made any sense. The elements were all used, the language was okay, but the repetitive words stuck out, the characters were likable enough, but Artemis wasn’t really a muse, and she was the protector of deer so, the comment at the end about her killing her father’s prize buck, didn’t gel. Your imagery was well done; I could picture myself in the room with Artemis and the man at the television. I didn’t really feel there was a beginning, middle and end in this one… it kind of fell flat for me.

3) Good use of elements. Integral to the story. Good flow and fun to read.